


3am

by maruyaaya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, have you noticed a trend with my iwaoi fics, iwaoi - Freeform, theyre all about oikawa being a mess, this is probably not that good my apologies, your local angst dealer is back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 09:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23468965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maruyaaya/pseuds/maruyaaya
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is a mess to say the least. He isn’t sure how he got there, but somehow he’s ended up at a random bar at 3 am again. The only person he knows who can help him is Iwaizumi, who is perfectly happy with his new girlfriend and stable life. And he would never admit it, but he’s jealous of that stability. He just wants to be with Iwaizumi, but Iwaizumi is too good for him and so, he’ll suffer in private.After all, it isn’t really love without some sacrifice, right?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	3am

**Author's Note:**

> Numero uno! This is very inspired by 3am by Halsey and there are a few direct references to lyrics in that song so I would recommend listening to that while reading!
> 
> Numero dos! The ending is kinda unfulfilling so if you guys want, there may be a part two in the near future! But that's mostly dependant on if you guys want it or if I can actually get the motivation lol

The noise was too much. Music was blasting out of every corner and people surrounded him from all sides. Oikawa couldn’t take it. Not when his head was pounding from the alcohol and not when the girl he had been flirting with was practically hanging off of his arm. She was pretty enough, but not his type. He was sitting at the bar, the drink she had bought him sitting in front of him. He picked up the drink and sniffed it, the strange odor wafting up his nose. 

“Hey, you didn’t put something in this, did you?” Oikawa asked. Her smile disappeared as she picked up his drink and sniffed it.

“What are you talking about? Of course I didn’t,” she laughed. Oikawa could tell she was lying. The way her eyes darted back and forth from the drink and his mouth paired with the mischievous look in her eyes gave her away. She was unlucky that Oikawa was so observant, most wouldn’t have noticed. Enough people had tried to take advantage of him and he was fed up with it.

“I’ve gotta get going,” Oikawa stood up, pushing his seat backwards. 

“Wait! Don’t go yet! We could have some fun,” She grabbed Oikawa’s hand and tried to pull him back. He ripped his hand from her grasp and wandered off to another part of the club, quickly losing sight of the girl. It didn’t matter. He didn’t even know her name. He looked through his pockets, searching for his wallet so he could order an Uber. His hands found empty space, except for his phone as he realized someone must have stolen his wallet. 

Oikawa hated it. He hated that he was so self-destructive. All he needed right now was someone to flirt with. Someone to make him feel like he was wanted. But he knew that every time he hooked up with someone random, he would just end up alone again the next day. He wasn’t good enough to keep someone around for longer than just a night. 

He wanted another drink, but without his wallet, he couldn’t pay for anything and he did not want to end up in debt to some random bar he had stumbled into. Flirting with another guy, he managed to take it far enough where they bought him a drink before disappearing. He couldn’t help but feel slightly happy at the sight of the guy looking for him. He felt wanted. 

He pulled out his phone and checked the time. _3 am._ He needed to get home. But he was too drunk to drive and he didn’t have any money. He scrolled through his contacts. His first thought was Iwaizumi, but he didn’t want to bother him. Especially since Iwaizumi was the reason he was out drinking tonight. 

Well, partly the reason. 

It wasn’t Iwaizumi’s fault that he had a nice girlfriend while everyone who Oikawa dated couldn’t stay with him for more than a couple weeks. They always said that they didn’t know what to do with him because he would run at the first sight of danger. And he would ruin himself without a second thought. 

It wasn’t Iwaizumi’s fault that he was so fucking perfect. That he was good at volleyball, got good grades, and everyone loved him. He didn’t even need to try, he was such a golden boy and Oikawa envied it. Oikawa had to spend hours studying, practicing, doing absolutely everything to make sure that no one would hate him, but so many people did anyway. He hated that Iwaizumi couldn’t tell that he was doing anything wrong. And Oikawa hated that he wasn’t even doing anything wrong. Iwaizumi was Oikawa’s best friend and protected him, which only made Oikawa feel like more of a burden. 

And it definitely wasn’t Iwaizumi’s fault that he was so far out of Oikawa’s league. But Oikawa was fine with that. 

He called Hanamaki but it ended up going to voicemail. Matsukawa’s phone went to voicemail as well. So did Kuroo’s. And Bokuto. And Daichi. Every person he called didn’t even bother picking up. He called Hanamaki once more, yet again receiving no answer. 

His last resort was Iwaizumi. Or he could run off to Europe for a few weeks. Maybe go to France. He’d been there once before and it had been nice until Iwaizumi had shown up and dragged him back. And that was the end of his plans. Because Iwaizumi always found him and he couldn’t deal with Iwaizumi right now. 

Iwaizumi would insist on coming and picking him up. Oikawa just wanted someone to talk to and maybe flirt with a little. Someone to make him feel like he was needed or wanted. So that he wouldn’t feel so fucking alone. When they were calling, they could talk forever. But when it was physical, it had to end. And he would always be alone at the end of it. 

He was always alone. 

He stumbled out of the bar, walking along the street. The sky was pitch black with twinkling stars and the cool air pushed Oikawa’s hair every which way. He balanced on the edge of the sidewalk, smiling at the wind caressing his cheek. He stopped at another bar, flirting to get another drink. He knew it was wrong. Using people just to get drinks, but the flirting felt nice. Like they actually had feelings between them. And who knows, he might take one of them to bed that night.

He walked around, dancing around the bar. The bar was stuffy and the loud music did nothing to help his pounding head. He was being reckless. Walking around a random bar at 3 am, hours from his own apartment where no one knew where he was. But he didn’t mind. If he was kidnapped or killed, it would only speed up the inevitable because after all, the end would come eventually. Unlike the others, Oikawa simply looked forward to it. 

He shuddered as he realized he’d left his jacket at the other bar. He needed to go home. He needed to get out of there. He needed to leave the country again. He wanted to go somewhere exotic. France, Brazil, Italy, America. He wanted to go somewhere. Anywhere but here. 

But even that happiness was fleeting. Because someone would come looking for him and they would bring him back. At least it meant that someone cared. 

Sitting in an empty booth, he pulled his knees up to his chest and felt his eyes fill with tears. He just wanted to belong. He wanted someone to hug him and tell him that it was all going to be okay, even if it wasn’t. 

“Please just pick up the fucking phone,” Oikawa whispered as he pulled out his phone. It rang for a few seconds before a groggy voice picked up, clearly having been woken up right at that moment. 

“Hello?” Iwaizumi grumbled, clearing his throat. 

“Can you come to pick me up? I lost my wallet and I’m cold and I’m so tired of everything,” Oikawa whispered into the phone between choked sobs. 

“Where are you? I’m on my way,” Iwaizumi suddenly sounded more awake. He was used to having to come and pick up Oikawa from strange places in the middle of the night. Oikawa told him his location and Iwaizumi hung up, warning Oikawa not to leave the bar. Oikawa sat in the booth, knowing that even if Iwaizumi speeded the whole way it would probably take him about an hour to show up. 

He sat alone for most of the time, scrolling through Instagram on his phone. He felt so useless. Just liking meaningless pictures of food and dogs and on top of that, for some strange reason, he felt the need to take a selfie and post it on his story. 

Man, his coach was gonna have a great time explaining that to any paparazzi who would see it and it would no doubt be all over the sports magazines tomorrow. But Oikawa really couldn’t care less. He loved volleyball and he loved that he was able to become a pro player, but all the rules and restrictions weren’t for him. 

Fuck it, if he wanted to go clubbing and drinking at 3 am on a tuesday night then hell he was going to. 

“Hey, shittykawa, lets go,” Iwaizumi’s voice was loud and rough, but gentle enough to let Oikawa know that he understood. Oikawa hated that Iwaizumi had to drive for an hour just to come and pick him up whenever he went off the rails. 

“Iwa-chan you’re here!” Oikawa smiled his signature smile, flipping his hair over onto one side. If Iwaizumi was gonna put in all the effort to come and get him, then Oikawa may as well make it easy for him so he wouldn’t have to deal with more of Oikawa’s issues. 

“Cut the crap, Tooru. You only ever come to bars this late when you’re having a breakdown. Let’s go and we’ll talk in the car,” Iwaizumi told him, grabbing his hand. Although his words were tough, his grip was soft, gently interlocking his fingers with Oikawa’s. Oikawa followed him to his car, sitting in the front seat. 

Iwaizumi always knew when there was something wrong. He knew Oikawa so well. Probably even better than Oikawa knew himself. Oikawa was a mess to say the least. He wasn’t stable — mentally or emotionally. He needed Iwaizumi’s stability or else he would end up falling off the face of the planet. 

“What’s up this time?” Iwaizumi asked, reaching a hand out to grab Oikawa’s. Oikawa wondered if they should be holding hands like this when Iwaizumi had a girlfriend, but he remembered that Iwaizumi probably didn’t care. That Iwaizumi didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. That this was all just platonic touching that best friends were allowed to do. 

“I don’t know, Iwa-chan. Wasn’t really a reason this time. It just happened,” Oikawa shrugged, squeezing Iwaizumi’s hand. Iwaizumi looked at him, eyes filled with concern. He was used to this. Oikawa didn’t need a reason to break down. 

“Yukie and I broke up,” Iwaizumi told him, no doubt able to tell how Oikawa was feeling. Iwaizumi was always good at that. He was perceptive and he could read Oikawa like a book. 

“Oh,” Oikawa couldn’t help but smile just a little. Iwaizumi sighed as he noticed Oikawa’s smile but Oikawa saw the small smile that appeared on his face. 

“Do you wanna talk about tonight?” Iwaizumi asked, careful not to dig too deep. He respected Oikawa’s boundaries. At first, Oikawa didn’t want to say anything. He didn’t need to bother Iwaizumi, not when he could deal with his problems on his own. 

But something Iwaizumi had said came back to him. _‘If you think you’re bothering me then please bother me for the rest of my life.’_ Oikawa let himself indulge in the idea that Iwaizumi would always be there for him. 

“It’s been getting worse recently. I didn’t wanna say anything,” Oikawa smiled softly. He didn’t need to mention what _it_ was, but Iwaizumi knew. _It_ wasn’t just one thing, it was so many. _It_ represented Oikawa’s issues. His depression, his insomnia, his self-hatred, his downhill spiral. 

“God, you should’ve come to talk to me. You’re going to end up killing yourself if you keep going like this,” Iwaizumi sighed. Oikawa didn’t bother to respond, Iwaizumi had told him this so many times yet he still couldn’t believe it. Oikawa stared up at the sky through the glass panel on top of the car. The sky was a deep blue, littered with sparkling stars. 

It was beautiful. Oikawa could stare at it all day. The rich blues painting with the stripes of lighter colours all intertwined together, complete with the white specks of the stars. The sky was so much. It was the end of the previous day but the start of the next. It was everything Oikawa wanted to be. Wanted. 

“Tooru, are you listening to me?” Iwaizumi asked, pulling his hand from Oikawa’s grasp and waving it in front of his face. Oikawa snapped back to reality and reached for Iwaizumi’s hand again, wanting to feel that familiar warmth. 

“Yes,” Oikawa answered, looking down at his lap where Iwaizumi’s hand lay, intertwined with his own. 

“No you’re not. You always say you’re listening, but you never follow my advice,” Iwaizumi sighed. Oikawa flinched slightly at the words, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Iwaizumi was always good at telling the truth even if he knew it would hurt. 

“I’m trying my best,” Oikawa mumbled, eyes closed and head raised up at the top of the car. Iwaizumi gave Oikawa’s hand another reassuring squeeze and Oikawa smiled, eyes still closed. 

“And I know you are. I consider it a win when you even get out of bed because I know how hard it is for you. I can’t say I fully understand, because I don’t. I’m mentally stable, but I’m trying my best to be understanding of you and I’m so proud of even your smallest accomplishments. But sometimes I feel like you stick to the bare minimum when you could do more,” Iwaizumi told him as he slowly pulled into the driveway of their shared apartment. 

Oikawa didn’t bother to answer, instead walking into their apartment, counting the steps it took to get there. He carefully tiptoed around the cracks in the cement, making sure that he wouldn’t touch any lines. When he touched a line with his left foot, he had to touch a line with his right or else it all felt wrong. And it was the same thing vice versa. 

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six._

Each step was light and it brought forward a sense of stability. Iwaizumi was still holding Oikawa’s hand, carefully following Oikawa’s pace. He made sure not to rush him and stuck by his side, hand slightly swinging between the two of them. 

_Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen._

Iwaizumi was stable while Oikawa was rocky, as if threatening to fall with every step. All thoughts of running away were gone because all he could focus on was Iwaizumi’s steady figure and the number of steps in his head. Foreign countries seemed like a distant dream and he remembered the last time he’d run off. Iwaizumi always somehow found him. 

_Twenty three. Twenty four. Twenty five. Twenty six._

Iwaizumi opened the door of the apartment with one hand, all while still not releasing his grip on Oikawa’s hand. Iwaizumi threw a clean pair of pyjamas at Oikawa and gestured to his room. 

“You wanna stay with me tonight?” he asked. Oikawa nodded and followed him in. After changing he laid down next to Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi’s presence was comforting. Oikawa was turned away from Iwaizumi, not wanting Iwaizumi to see his face. Iwaizumi turned towards him, reaching out a hand. He grabbed Oikawa’s hand, wrapping their fingers together. Iwaizumi moves closer, holding Oikawa in close. 

“Good night, Tooru. Please come to me first next time instead of running off to a club in the middle of the night,” Iwaizumi whispered gently, hugging Oikawa tight. Oikawa relaxed into the hug and felt his eyes water slightly. He shut them quickly, trying to block off any tears that might flow. 

“I’m sorry Hajime,” Oikawa mumbled, forgoing the use of the childish nickname he always called Iwaizumi. He squeezed Iwaizumi’s hand tight, never wanting to let go. 

“Don’t ever be sorry for something like this, Tooru,” Iwaizumi muttered back. One hand holding Oikawa’s while he ran the other through Oikawa’s hair. He tangled his hand in Oikawa’s messy brown locks and smiled as he tried to keep himself awake long enough to hear Oikawa’s snoring. 

It was the first time in a long time when Oikawa had felt so serene. His head was empty, save for one specific thought that replayed over and over. 

_I don’t care if it’s just as friends, but please let me stay with Hajime like this even if it’s just for a little longer. I don’t even want to leave him. I don’t care if he’ll date someone else and be happy without me. I need him. And I know it’s selfish, but I just want him by my side. Whether as a friend or as a lover._

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys do want a part two, be sure to let me know! That is all for now and I shall go work on my 200 other unfinished fics!


End file.
